


Choosing His Side

by Hekate1308



Series: Balance and New Beginnings [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M, season 12 au, yes this is a series now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 13:48:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10514991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hekate1308/pseuds/Hekate1308
Summary: It takes Sam almost a month to realize Dean meant it when he said goodbye.Destiel, Companion piece to "Balance".





	

It takes Sam almost a month to realize Dean meant it when he said goodbye.

They have been at odds before, but they’ve always come back.

But this time –

There’s nothing.

No texts, no calls, it’s as if he has dropped off the edge of the earth.

The first week, he doesn’t worry too much.

The second, he tries to reach Cas, but the angel must have forgotten to charge his batteries again.

 _Hey Cas,_ he prays instead, _Dean is out there and he’s rather upset right now. I thought you should know._

Mom isn’t very concerned either, mostly she’s of the opinion that he’ll come around.

Usually, he’d think the same. But – but...

When has Dean not let him know that he’s well, even when they were angry at one another?

And it’s just so... silent without Dean.

He certainly finds less and less reasons to just relax for a minute and laugh without his brother around.

The Men of Letters come and go, keeping their secrets albeit sharing their knowledge, and the feeling that he’s being held like a dog, ready to pounce when they wave their hands, becomes stronger and stronger.

Cas doesn’t reach out to him for weeks, which is really weird since his last prayer was about Dean. When Sam calls him once more and he finally picks up, he’s distant, more like the angel he was when they first met.

“Sam.”

“Hey, Cas, about Dean – “

“Dean is doing well. You don’t have to worry”.

He’s relieved to hear it, but still, there’s something strange about Cas’ behaviour he can’t put his finger on.

“That’s great. Look, we’re checking – “

“Sam” Cas interrupts him, “I am not interested in what the Men of Letters have to say.”

“What – I – you worked with them before – what changed?”

“I chose a side” Cas says simply and hangs up.

Sam puts his phone away, dumbfounded.

He’s not only lost Dean, but Cas as well, it seems.

He’s not used to feeling lonely, but he gets thoroughly acquainted with the feeling. Mom barely talks of anything but eradicating monsters, and he soon finds that all the books and intellectual conversation in the world is no substitute for a real connection, for years worth of memories.

He misses Dean like a missing limb.

And then, it’s not only his brother and best friend he’s suddenly lost.

He will later think that he should have known when he tries to calls Garth during a difficult hunt for a rugaru.

He hasn’t spoken to their friend in quite some time and is actually looking forward to hearing his voice.

They don’t even speak.

Garth picks up.

“Hey, it’s Sam – “

He hangs up on him without a word.

He tries again and again, but it just rings endlessly.

Could something have happened to Garth? His fingers itch, desperate to call Dean’s number. It’s been almost a year now, almost a year since they spoke, almost a year since Dean turned around and left without looking back.

It’s after this he notices another trend.

Sure, other hunters haven’t been as forthcoming as they hoped they would be, but suddenly they seem to go out of their way not to meet them at all. The Men of Letters report more and more incidents of either being brushed off or stood up to begin with.

He learns why when he bumps into Cesar and Jesse, in a grocery store of all places. Turns out, they settled down in the small town Sam is spending the night.

Neither of them look happy to see him, but after a moment of hesitation, Jesse does greet him.

He’s happy about it. God knows he’s been feeling a bit lonely since...

“Hi”.

“On a hunt?” Cesar inquires casually.

Sam nods.

“All alone?”

The question is full of a meaning the ex-hunters don’t look very comfortable with.

“Yes”.

The silence that settles between them is decidedly uncomfortable until Jesse blurts out, “Are you really working with them?”

Sam, feeling strangely defensive, replies, “They have good gadgets”.

Cesare snorts.

“And how bad is their intel again? That vampire gig didn’t really pan out that well, did it?”

“The Alpha is dead”.

“Because of you, not them.”

Sam doesn’t know what to say.

“Where’s Dean, anyway?”

He could lie, but he doesn’t feel like it.

“He left” he admits.

If he’s looking for sympathy, he clearly came to the wrong place.

“So _Dean Winchester_ doesn’t want to work with them?”

They stare at him as if he’s grown a second head, as if everything Dean considers wrong automatically must be, and to his surprise, he doesn’t even get angry.

Not that he agrees with them. Of course not.

After that, he starts thinking.

And the next time he, Mary and Mick sit down with another hunter, he asks, “So you heard about Dean?”

The hunter nods.

“And you better have one hell of an offer if you want me to join your gig when the guy who killed the yellow-eyed demon and saved the world multiple times wants nothing to do with it. After everything I’ve heard, he would never turn his back on his family, so you’ll understand I am sceptical.”

He remains sceptical to the very end and finally leaves with a shrug and a “it’s just not for me.”

Sam doubts it’s really that simple.

He’d be ready to bet it has everything to do with the legendary Dean Winchester not joining them.

It happens suddenly.

One day, after another vampire hunt (turns out they have been doing their outmost to increase their numbers since the Alpha died) Sam looks in the mirror and realizes he has no idea if those three girls he just decapitated even drank human blood.

And then it’s not him who’s staring back at him anymore.

It’s Dad.

He all but flees the bathroom.

“Mom?” he asks that night, “Can we talk?”

“What is it, Sam?” she answers, and for the first time he thinks she sounds just like her husband.

“Do you ever – I mean are we sure those girls today were dangerous?”

“They were vampires” she says simply.

“Yes, but what if – “

“Sam, they are monsters. You killed the Alpha himself. You know why we are doing this. To get our normal lives back.”

He wonders if she ever considers just how things are supposed to go back to normal.

They never will.

As Dean pointed out, demons and ghosts will still be around. Although demons haven’t been much of a problem lately, apart from the people who make contracts.

Mom goes to fetch their dinner from the kitchen, obviously convinced their talk is over.

They eat in silence, but Sam can barely swallow. All he thinks of is Dean, how different it always was to share his dinner with his brother, how he carefully prepared their meals, how he gave up his food as a kid so Sam could eat.

“Not hungry today? You need to keep up your strength, Sam.”

“I know” he says quietly, because he suddenly realizes at that very second what he needs his strength for.

He’s run away so often.

It’s time to run _towards_ Dean.

And hope he is willing to take him back.

As it turns out, tracking Dean down isn’t easy by any means. Cas has long since given up even dropping hints if they are still hunting together and more importantly where, and Dean could stay hidden for years if he wanted.

Reluctantly, he admits to himself that there’s a chance Crowley knows. Ever since Dean became a demon, they’ve had this weird almost-friends-except-we-are-enemies relationship. The King of Hell is bound to at least wonder where he is.

He’s too impatient to try and call.

He summons him that night in the bunker’s dungeon.

Crowley seems to be more annoyed than anything.

“Really? There is no – “

He stops talking when he sees Sam.

“Moose.”

It’s a weird thought that it feels like Crowley is being short with him, but he can’t shake it off.

“No posh backup? How disappointing.”

“Crowley...” he massages his temple with his right hand. The headache that has been lingering for a few hours us getting worse.

“What do you want? I do have business to attend to.”

“Where’s Dean?” he blurts out.

Crowley blinks.

“First you let him walk out of here, no problem, and now you’re crying over it? Summoning me to get him back?”

Is he –

Yes.

The King of Hell is chastising him for letting Dean walk out the door.

Just wonderful.

“You are in a devil’s trap” he says tiredly, “I’m not letting you out unless you tell me.”

Crowley snorts.

“As if I would just let you know without – “

He fished his phone out of his pocket and sent a text before Sam could intervene.

“The bunker’s warded” he reminds him.

Crowley rolled his eyes.

“Relax, Samantha. Don’t worry. He always answers _my_ texts, you know.”

Before Sam could process what he meant, the reply came.

Crowley nods to himself.

“Well, then. Get me out of here, and I’ll take you to your brother.”

“Why should I believe you?”

“Because you’re too desperate to have any other options.”

He can’t argue with that.

Sam gets his duffle bag, wondering if he should say goodbye to Mom. But at most this would get him another lecture.

He returns to Crowley, breaking the trap. The King of Hell snaps his fingers.

His eyes grow wet when he sees the Impala in the parking lot of the motel he was just transported to.

“Aw, Samantha, no crocodile tears. You’ll need them to grovel.”

 The door opens upon the first knock.

“Hey, Crowley” Dean says, “Come in. Craig’s in the fridge.”

And the King of Hell steps into Dean’s room as if it’s no big deal.

Dean’s mustering him, and it’s clear he’s seeing the same thing Sam did.

“I know. That’s why I left.”

“Come on in. Only, this time...” 

Cas steps up to his brother, and God, Sam has missed him too.

He puts a hand at the small of Dean’s back.

 _Oh_.

 He didn’t expect that. Maybe he should have.

“One condition” Dean announces. “This time, you listen.”

He nods, looking at the floor as he enters the room with one bed.

Naturally. They’re a couple now.

Crowley has made himself comfortable at the table, sipping a glass of Craig.

“I was hoping we could talk in private” Sams hints.

Crowley scoffs as he sips his drink. Dean shakes his head.

“Crowley’s good”.

“There you have it, Moose” the demon announces, “Mr. and Mr. Squirrel here actually like having something supernatural around”.

Sam almost hangs his head in shame until he remembers he’s talking to the King of Hell.

Who doesn’t seem to have much reigning to do, these days, if he can hang around Dean’s and Cas’ room, having drinks.

Cas looks different. He’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt for one thing, and there’s something distinctly... frailer about him.

He looks more vulnerable, somehow.

It’s only when Sam sees the king-sized bed that has clearly been slept in that he comes to the obvious conclusion.

“You’re human” he says stupidly.

“I’ll only return to Heaven with Dean” he answers as if it’s the only reply he can give, and Dean pulls him into a gentle kiss.

That’ll take some getting used to, he admits to himself.

“They do this all the time. Better prepare yourself”.

“Shut up Crowley” Dean mumbles with the fond annoyance he reserves for his friends.

Apparently Crowley is one of those now.

“What are you doing here?” Dean asks.

“Is this another attempt to get us to join?” Cas inquries at the same time.

 _Us._ Dean and Cas are very much an us now. They move around one another with the familiarity of old lovers.

It’s – touching.

“No. Like I said – I left. There was – we killed a nest of vampires a few days ago. Many of them were young. Afterwards I realized I hadn’t even questioned if all of them drank human blood.”

The worst part is how Dean doesn’t even react. He just takes his confession, accepts it, sees Sam as the mindless killer he has become.

Cas reaches out and takes his hand. Crowley groans.

“Could you tone it down? Moose is trying to have a moment here.”

“What I want to say... I don’t want to be that anymore. You were right, Dean. None of the other hunters wanted to join.”

He shrugs.

“Told you.”

There’s no venom behind, he doesn’t sound smug.

Until now, he couldn’t really bring himself to raise his head, childish as it is.

Sam forces himself to take his brother in.

Dean looks good.

No, scratch that.

Dean looks _great_.

As if he actually does get enough sleep at night, and switches the beer and cheeseburgers for water and vegetables once in a while.

Was that all he needed to get better? To get away from Sam?

“Alright, so you wanna stick around? Try it the old-fashioned way? Because I have to tell you, Sam: Things have changed”.

“I can see that” he says softly, hoping that Dean doesn’t think he’s homophobic, too.

“Not what I meant” his brother replies. “We’ve got a lot more good monsters than Garth running around, now”.

“And Hell is under control if anyone is interested” Crowley pipes in.

“Good monsters?”

“Yeah, you know, the ones who know it’s in their nature, but that doesn’t mean they have to harm humans.”

Crowley waves from behind him. Sam suppresses a groan. He wonders if the King of Hell just randomly drops in whenever he wants, these days.

Later he will find that to be the case.

“And you’re...”

“We make sure no one gets to them” Dean explains. “No point in spilling innocent blood just for the sake of it. We make a few calls, warn them about the genocidal tea maniacs, and in return, they make sure to let us know when they hear about one of their own going off the rails, or handle it themselves. Most hunters we meet are pretty content with that”.

“You’ve been meeting other hunters?”

Dean nods.

“Remember the twins? They sought us out. It sort of... spiralled from there.”

“People were ready to listen as long as we asked politely” Cas points out.

Of course he’s on Dean’s side here –

Sam takes a deep breath and reminds himself that choosing Dean’s side is what this is all about.

“Hear, hear” Crowley affirms.

“Dean?” Sam asks slowly. “Maybe we could talk? You know, just the two of us?”

He loves Cas, but there are some things he has to tell his brother, and his brother alone.

Cas gently touches Dean’s hand. Dean nods.

Crowley sighs.

“I guess we can always try and find a better quality of alcohol.”

“We could also – “

“I was summoned by the more annoying Winchester sibling, Castiel, I am entitled to a good drink.”

And to Sam’s astonishment, Cas actually leaves with him, after Dean catches him by the arm and whispers something in his ear.

With another kiss, they part.

“Take care” Dean calls after them right before the door closes.

“I always do” Crowley answers.

“Are you sure...” Sam trails off.

“Crowley knows I don’t like it when he allows Cas to accidentally drink too much. Guy doesn’t know his limits yet.”

“He fell?” Sam guesses.

“On his own terms. He wanted to be with me as a human.”

“I see” he says carefully, neutrally.

Dean raises an eyebrow, clearly waiting for something to happen.

“Look, Dean, you must know I don’t care.”

“Must I? The last few months before I left, seemed like I didn’t know you at all.”

He deserves that.

“I am happy for you. I really am.”

“Thanks, Sammy” Dean eventually answers. “I’m pretty stocked about this whole thing too.”

It’s the first real smile he has given him, and Sam basks in it.

“So Crowley...” he eventually begins, unsure of how to proceed.

When they last saw him, they were allies at best – at least he thought so – and now he’s apparently... a family friend?

Dean shrugs.

“What can I say? Guy likes to hang out, and it makes hunting a hell of a lot easier.”

“So he’s a – friend?”

“If you mean to ask if we would come to his help if the Brits ever decide to try and take him down?” dean considers it for a moment, then continues, “Absolutely.”

Belatedly he adds, “Hell hasn’t been this stable in – ever.”

Sam can’t find it in himself to be weirded out. Crowley has helped them far more than the Men of Letters ever could.

“Want a beer?” Dean asks abruptly.

Sam understands.

He isn’t forgiven, but it’s a start.

It hurts, being left out.

Especially when monsters call or drop in. But he understands.

He has to earn Dean’s trust – no, he has to earn everyone’s trust.

And yes, that includes Corwley.

Because the demon can’t even stay away for one damn day, it seems.

A bit hypocritical, really, Sam starts to think after a few days. He worked with misguided humans and gets treated like a child, and Dean is best friends with the king of hell and no one bats an eye.

Before this new frustration can grow into resentment, Garth visits.

It’s like a cold shower.

He enthusiastically hugs Dean and Cas, and even shakes Crowley’s hand.

But he only nods in his general direction, saying “Sam.”

Garth hanging up on him was bad. This is much worse.

Because, of course he acts that way.

The Men of Letters would kill Garth out of principle.

Just like they would kill all the others he gets to meet eventually – ghouls and vampires and banshees and goblins, all treating Dean and Cas either as heroes or part of the family.

It’s a stark contrast to the fear or sometimes downright hatred Sam inspires in them.

After a particular rough meeting with a “vegan djinn”, as he happily called himself, Sam escapes to a nearby park and sits down on a bench, burying his head in his hands.

It’s Cas who finds him.                                                                                                                   

“Did Dean send you?”

“He didn’t have to. He would have come himself, but we felt you might want to talk to a friend instead of a brother. He and Crowley are grocery shopping.”

When did this become normal?

“Sam, you have to understand –“

“I’m trying to, Cas!” he snaps. “But Dean won’t even give me the details! It’s like he’s not even trying to give me a chance – “

Next, Cas says something completely unexpected.

“Dean’s favourite novel by Philip K. Dick is “The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch.”

“What?”

“He thinks it’s almost as good as Vonnegut’s work” Cas continues, “He doesn’t like the 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice – “

“What does this have to do – “

“His favourite flowers are violets –“

“Now you are making – “

“He doesn’t just like to eat pie, he knows how to bake it too.”

“Cas...”

Cas is looking at him, and slowly, it dawns on Sam.

“I never knew.”

“And for a long time he didn’t want to. Now, though...”

Yes, now. It’s true. Dean has been reading – and writing too, now that he thinks about it. Sam just didn’t bother to ask.

He was only too glad to think Dean must be the same he’s always been, even with all this proof to the contrary.

While Sam –

He hasn’t really shown anything else but acceptance of how he is treated.

Cas leaves, but he stays on that bench for hours.

When he returns, Dean doesn’t comment on how long he has been gone. But for once, Crowley isn’t there.

“Crowley’s not around?” he asks.

Dean shrugs.

“Figured you’d like some family time.”

“He practically is” Sam finally admits. Even Crowley has been nothing but nice to him, all in all. Yes, he’s snarky, but he’s also a demon.

“Oh” Dean breathes, blinking.

“And I just remembered something.”

Sam takes a deep breath.

Choosing Dean’s side. It means Dean’s side.

“The firewall of the Men of Letters might not be as impenetrable as they think – “

Only a long while later will he admit to himself that this was the moment they finally became family again.


End file.
